M

I should probably document about the recent changes in my life. I’ll start with something that hasn’t changed yet though which is, we haven’t sold our house yet. It’s a bit upsetting to my mom but sort of a relief for me because that means that I don’t have to start packing yet. I mean I probably should because it is gonna get sold either way, just don’t know when. I’m less anxious about it now which is good but I wish that my mom could ease her mind about it because she made our home really nice and I wish other people could see it too. 

As for the changes, the first minor change is that I’m on medication again, this time I’m on sertraline which is zoloft, I’ve only been on it for about a week and so far so good? if you don’t count the diarrhea and the loss of appetite, plus the occasional nausea. It doesn’t mess with my sex drive though which is a good thing and I haven’t really been feeling worse. Some days are just better than others but of course it takes time to kick in and do it’s thing. Today, I just feel dull, which is weird but it also might be because of the weather. It’s really dark, gloomy and rainy so that could be a factor. I’m gonna continue taking it and I hope I found the medication that works the best for me. Aside from that though my doctor prescribed me C.B.T which is cognitive behavioural therapy, I haven’t found a psychologist to work with yet and I’m not even sure I’ll end up doing it but Jasmin said it might be a good idea before school starts to figure out where I’m at in my head before I jump into a very stressful environment. We’ll see about that one for now. 

So for the MAJOR change, I briefly mentioned it up above but I got into my program!! I’m very very happy about this, it was such a sigh of relief knowing that I got in. All my plans are alining and I have a really good feeling about my future. I also think it’s crazy that I was about to end my life in December, I’m so glad that I didn’t. I have such a great support system too, I have so many resources and all I need to do is ask. My mom and Jasmin are my biggest support system at the moment, they’re the reason why I’m pushing and have gone this far but for once I’m also gonna give myself credit. I told myself I could do it and I pushed myself, and I set up all the appointments, signed all the documents, passed the entrance test and did good on my casper (assuming since I got in) by myself. 

That’s really all I have to say now, next time I’m back will probably be right before school starts. 

Until then, 

M 

“You’re just mad you can’t see jasmin” YOU’RE FUCKIN RIGHT IM MAD, IM DOWN RIGHT PISSED THE FUCK OFF. Not only did this situation endanger my loved ones, I also cannot see them AND I might lose my fucking job. Take the fucking pandemic seriously, garbage human beings.